My Epiphany...might it smack me in the head

There's nothing more terrifying than being in an auto accident with your family.  No matter how big or small the accident, life just seems to go in slow motion during and after the event.  Nothing is more eye opening. Here's my story.

So after having a great birthday celebration with my oldest daughter we were heading home on the wintry evening.  Laughing, giggling, smiling happy faces all around.  It had been snowing on and off for a few hours and the streets were pretty quiet.  And then it happened.  Boom! Smack! Crunch!  I turned to my husband and asked him what happened.  He looked at me like I was a bit nuts and said calmly "we were just hit".  Being completely dazed and confused and asked another poignant question "hit by what?"  Clearly shock was`settling in.  When he told me we were hit by another SUV I turned immediately and looked at my girls.  The little one so quietly watching a movie. The older one crying.  I asked Lyric if she was OK and she said "mommy what happened? I'm OK".  Relief settled as I heard her say she was OK.  Then I looked at Layla, who was in tears and asked her the same thing. "Are you OK?"  She yelled "my back hurts".  Immediately Mommy mode took over but fear set in as I called 911 while my husband went outside to check the damage and the other vehicle and its passengers.

I can remember speaking to the dispatcher and him asking me where I am....oh my gosh...I had no idea where I was.  What was happening? Why couldn't I remember? So I looked at the GPS and told him my location.  He heard Layla crying and asked if anyone was hurt.  Of course I told him my oldest said her back hurt and then I realized the shooting pain in the back of my head.  All I heard him say was the police were on their way and so was an ambulance.  What the hell just happened? Thank God I remembered to call my mom to come get Lyric.

Within minutes I saw flashing lights and lots of EMTs on the scene.  They took my oldest first - backboard and all - onto the ambulance.  Then they took me.  I tried to remain strong and be the Mom whilst in pain so that my beautiful birthday girl knew everything would be OK.  Thank you EMTs for singing Happy Birthday to her.  I know it meant a lot to her but it meant so much more to me.  

So why am I telling you all of this....

Well here is why.  I have had some time to think about what's important to me...I mean what is TRULY important to me.  And honestly it is very simple...FAMILY.  My family means the world to me and in that split second during the accident my heart sank and terror set in.  The thought of my kids or my husband being hurt in any way scared me.  I love them more than words could even begin to express.  I want to be there for my girls when they get out of school.  I want to be able to be a Mom and not a crazy lady who comes in like a whirlwind and leave like a Tasmanian devil.  I want to be able to honestly stop and smell the roses...seriously I want to stop and smell flowers with my girls.  I want to take them to the park on a nice day before the sun goes down.  I want to take walks at night before the kids go to bed.  Instead of that happy vision I rush to leave work, speed like a demon to get the kids, rush home to make some semblance of dinner, rush to help with homework, changed for bed and tucked in.  At that point my husband is home and all I want to do is sleep.  I want life to slow down - even just a little.

OK so maybe it doesn't seem like an epiphany...maybe it's just the realization that I want to be a good Mom and a good wife and that's all.  Maybe it is just the realization that I am unable to climb the corporate ladders and be the wife and Mom that I want to be.  I am honestly tired of the corporate bullshit, backstabbing / two faced liars who when you cross them they put a bulls-eye on your back.

Life becomes so much clearer when you take five minutes to stop and smell the roses (once the snow melts).

I am a Woman

This is for the strong women in my life (including my 2 little girls).  Love you.....

I am a woman.

I am strong and delicate at the same time.

I am a woman.

I am not a maid, a cook, or a servant.

I do things because I want to do them for you.

Do not take my generosity for granted.

I am a woman.

I am kind hearted and protective of that very same heart.

I will show you love and respect and expect the same in return.

I am not perfect nor do I claim to be.

I am not a person to be molded into something other than who I already am. God made me this way for a reason.

I laugh...I cry...I change (for better or worse) to be a better person.

I am a woman.

I AM Superwoman ~ Super what??? (Part One)

As I sit on my porch and listen to the birds chirping I have time to reflect and more importantly peace and quiet....a rarity for sure. I have realized that I am one busy woman.  My mom used to say that she was not Superwoman.  Well of course not Mom, I thought to myself as any small child would.  Superwoman wore boots and a cape and had long dark wavy hair.  our hair is blond and you certainly don't have a cape or boots like she does.  And as I got older I realized what she meant.  And now that I have children of my own I really know what she meant.

As a working Mom of 2 crazy girls it isn't easy - as many of you know.  Trying to balance a career, family, household stuff, time for me, time for my husband, time for my kids, birthday parties, baking stuff for school events, planning parties and play dates...ok I'm tired just thinking about it.  When did life become so crazy? How did it get this way?

How DID life get so out of hand?  Is it that we are all trying to outdo each other?  Do we place too much pressure on ourselves to be good and successful at everything we do?  Maybe.  I know I am a perfectionist which doesn't lead to a stress free life.  I want the best for my kids, for myself, for my husband, for my family and friends.  But I can't be everyone's provider, go-to person, psychiatrist, cook, maid, taxi cab driver.

Case in point.  On a daily basis I am constantly reminding my 6 1/2 year old daughter to put her morning milk cup in the sink - maybe even wash it out (which really may be asking too much).  This morning I saw her cup on the couch slowly dribbling milk out of the straw.  I turned to her and politely asked her 3 times to PLEASE put the cup in the sink and go get dressed. Now this child is VERY intelligent and already has developed selective hearing.  She goes into her room to get dressed, comes out and sits down to watch TV.  So I look at her and say "umm...did you forget something?" And I walk away.  2 minutes later she has her sneakers on and says "ok Mom. Got my sneakers on".  And so again I say "ummm...did you forget something?"  With a completely stunned look on her face and slight irritation in her voice she says "well what else do I need to do?"  My response was plainly "the cup my dear. Put it in the sink".  With that came the stomping and screaming of a very tall 6 1/2 year old stating "WHY DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING!!" to which I replied "I am not superwoman. I am not the maid. I do not pick up or clean up after everyone else.  You are old enough to clean up your own mess and that includes putting your milk cup in the sink where it belongs."  One would think by the look I received that I asked her to do a dissertation on world peace and present at the UN Summit.

And that my friends is my Mommy Maid moment.  (to be continued...)